Tips for a flawless first dance
 
By MARY K. FONS
Bride's Guide
 

Reality television shows such as "Dancing With the Stars" and "So You Think You Can Dance?" have rekindled the fear lurking in the hearts of every bride and groom, especially those who know with certainty that they indeed cannot dance.

A couple's first foray onto the dance floor is designed to be a moment of beauty in the midst of wedding hysteria: a three- to four-minute window of time for you and your new spouse to revel in each other's embrace and get lost in the big day. Sadly, few couples can overcome the anxiety of looking stupid to ever have fun.

"Some people don't know how to dance, and being called upon to dance in front of all their relatives is a nerve-wracking time," says Ken Richards, spokesperson for USA Dance in Cape Coral, Fla., the national governing body for dance sport in the U.S. Countless guests are glued to your every move, you're wearing high heels and a dress with a long train and to top it all off, you just got married. Emotions are running high.

Richards says the main concern for couples is the legacy their first dance leaves behind. "The sad part is that it's on video, so if you don't know what you're doing, you'll have a record of it for life," he says.

If you don't have to worry about your shoes, your song or your steps, your first dance will be exactly what it's intended to be -- fun and romantic. In order to make that happen, however, a little preparation goes a long way.

Kim Bosch van Drakenstein has been teaching couples to dance for more than 15 years and is quick to point out three things when instructing new students. The first dance should be fun, confidence is the most important thing and dancing is a lot like being a shark. "Keep moving and show a lot of teeth," she says.

"Honestly, the main motivation for the guys is not to look great out there, they just don't want to look stupid," says Bosch van Drakenstein, founder of First Dance Impressions in Fairfax, Va. Ladies take a little more work, and she says it takes time to "de-program" brides. "A lot of the time, women think they can dance better than the men and they end up dragging the guys around."

Finding a teacher is the first step. Word of mouth is often the best way to find an appropriate class, says USA Dance's Richards. An independent studio or local recreational department may be your best bet. "Most of the national champions have their own studios," he says.

You only need to manage a few of the standards, says Richards. He recommends the box step, a basic fox trot and handling a turn with your partner.

Bosch van Drakenstein teaches couples the classic "lead and follow" technique and that if the guy makes a mistake, the girl should go right along with it. "I tell the guys to treat the dance like driving or playing a video game and I tell the women to let them do it,"she says.

Jane Nakano knew that she and her husband-to-be were going to make their first dance something special. Both bride and groom saw the first dance as a meaningful tradition they wanted not only to uphold, but also to nail.

"I wasn't particularly nervous about the prospect of the first dance," says Nakano of Washington D.C. "If anything, the fact that my husband was nervous made me nervous. I was mostly worried that he might feel terrible if the dance didn't go well." Nakano and her husband decided to take lessons from Bosch van Drakenstein and ended up learning more than a few simple steps.

"The lessons gave us a chance to enjoy dancing with each other and made him feel less nervous about the prospect of dancing in front of over 250 guests," she says. Once a week, the couple took an hour to learn a dance to accompany their song. And while it was a lot of hard work, it became more like a date night during the busy preparation months. "The lessons were one of the very few things in our wedding that we felt was our own -something intimate," she says.

But if the idea of taking lessons from an instructor is either too scary or too expensive, plenty of couples get married and have a great first dance without stepping inside a studio. Countless instructional videos and DVDs on the market can teach a couple how to do every dance from the electric slide to the waltz and can be viewed in the privacy of your own home. But the same rule applies whether you're a pro or not: confidence is key.

No matter what, enjoy your first dance as man and wife.