In love with the in-laws

Duane & Carolyn Enssle
Submitted by: Canda Enssle

"When you say the words 'mother-in-law,' most people cringe and wait for the horror stories to start. I have one of the most unique relationships with my in-laws. They are more like my parents. My husband and I live only about 1 1/4 miles from them. I talk to my mother-in-law a least once, if not twice, a day.

I do not like to drive in the snow, so my mother-

Duane Enssle and his grandson, Mark Enssle.   Carolyn Enssle and her granddaughter, Katlyn Enssle.

in-law picks me and the kids up at 5:30 a.m. and takes them to the babysitter and me to work before she heads to work. About once a week she will drop off 'extra' food at our house. She babysat my daughter and son for about four months when he was first born. When I am sick, she will come down to my house and take care of me and watch the kids. She is even my biggest supporter when my husband and I have a disagreement. It is funny because she usually takes my side, and this upsets my husband. When I wanted to start my own business,  she was the first person I pitched the idea to. I asked her opinion and idas. She is actually the one that talked my husband into it.

My father-in-law is a very quiet man. But he is also always there when I need something. He has helped me fix my car on many occasions. When I ran out of gas on the interstate, he was the first person I called. Anytime it comes to needing help — these two have come through for me.

They are the best grandparents and in-laws that any person could ask for. I always say that if anything should ever happen to my husband and me, we will know that the kids are taken care of and loved because 'Mom' & 'Dad' would be there for them.

My relationship with them was tough at first. After all, I was taking their boy away from them! But then they learned that I was not taking him away from them, but I was joining them.

I believe that our relationship has been the way it is for many reasons. My mother-in-law is the type of person that will tell it like it is, but she does it with a kind heart. You know that anything she is telling you is because she loves you and cares about your well-being. She is not doing it for herself, but she is doing it to make your life better. She also does it in a way that is not a put down.

Maybe that is why I ask her opinion about a lot of things. She has given my great advice about child rearing. Not only was she the first person we told when we found out we were pregnant both times, but she was the first person we called from the hospital when our daughter was born. She was also my labor coach for our son. She drove me to the hospital during a snowstorm and endured 11 hours of hard labor with me until our son was born. I am glad to know that her face was the first person he saw after mine.

My advice to newlyweds is for them to let their new in-laws know that you are not taking their child away from them; but that they are gaining a person with you joining their family.

Remember that it is not only your words that will make a difference, but your actions. Also remember that you mostly likely come from two different backgrounds and generations. This could mean religion, politics, they way you celebrate the holidays, the way you work out problems, or the way you raise the kids. Also when advice is given, don't necessarily think she or he is trying to tell you what you did wrong. Sometimes there are many ways to do something right; be willing to actually listen and try some of the advice. The best advice is to remember that you both love the same person and that person loves both of you. It is not a competition for their love."

 – Canda Enssle, Albion, married to Mark Enssle for five years. 


Edith and the late Salvatore Caputo
Submitted by: Linda Amatangelo-Caputo

"I would love to tell you about my in-laws Salvatore (Sam) and Edith Caputo of Donora, Pa. Unfortunately, my father-in-law passed away fairly early in our marriage, so my story and advice is mainly about my mother-in-law, Edith.

My mother-in-law, Edith was one of the most accepting, gentle, caring, giving person you could ever encounter.  She didn't have much but what she did had was always for her children. My husband, Jim, is the youngest of four sons. She had him at age 40 but he turned out to be the best thing to happen to her. She lost two sons and her husband within a 10-month period but her strength was far beyond what anyone could imagine. She is truly an inspiration to me.

I am 50 percent Slovak and 50 percent Italian and Jim is 100 percent Italian, so when I married him in 1981, the pressure was on in the kitchen! Early in our marriage, I was very intimidated to cook for her but she graciously gave me advice on what I did right or wrong. Sometimes I wasn't sure I wanted advice but I took it and realized the advice did improve my cooking skills and recipes. Sometimes I just listen and still do my own thing.  I find I cook more like her than my own mother, maybe because that's what my husband is used to. Thanks to my own mother and my mother-in-law, my husband was able to go back to college for a Doctor of Pharmacy degree while I worked full time as a R.N. She was the best Nana my girls could ask for. They learned songs, dances, Italian words, games, and more from her. She has the patience of a saint.

My mother-in-law is now 83 years old and fighting colon cancer that has spread to her liver. She just recently had to give up her home in Donora, Pa and move in with us here in Erie due to her failing health. I can tell she really misses her independence.

My advice to new brides is to listen to your new in-laws and sort out what advice you feel will help your marriage and your relationship and discard the rest without anyone even knowing.  Also, you should start off your marriage with love not only for your husband, but for his parents too. They loved him first and I always try to remember that.

I have the best mother-in-law a girl could ask for. But, if you ask my husband, he says HIS in-laws are the best!"

– Linda Amatangelo-Caputo, Erie, married to Jim Caputo for 24 years.

Jack and Martha Schumacher
Submitted by: Ted Yeshion

"Based on the popularity of bad in-law jokes, I must be in the minority. My in-laws, John 'Jack' and Martha Schumacher are great. In fact, my wife Stacy sometimes claims they act more like parents to me than to her! My in-laws are extremely supportive in every way and always willing to babysit our four-year-old son, Jacob — their only grandchild.

How does this happen and what advice could I offer to newlyweds? Perhaps the development of most great relationships can be largely attributed to sheer luck.  One thing that is critical though, is treating the in-laws' child with love and respect.  How can any parent not care for the person who treats their spouse, the in-laws' son or daughter, in a loving and caring way? Ultimately, as children are added to the mix, the tenderness, love, devotion, and dedication to family that you reflect will be noticed. This is the path to fostering a good relationship with your in-laws."

– Ted Yeshion, Erie, married to Stacy Yeshion for six years.

Hubert and the late Mary Ann Buckel
Submitted by: Leo Swigonski

"The large Buckel-Walach family that married into the Swigonski-Zavazan family had plenty of background together. Our grandfathers used to hang out together back in the formative days of our parish of Holy Family. I'm seven years older and even more years goofier than Sharon so I really had to whip up the charm to win her and her family over. Taking that fateful journey down the white runner in church was the best move I ever made! Spending time over the years at picnics, birthdays, holidays and so on has strengthened our mutual feelings for one another, even after someone reads this to them.

When one of us needs help, the family possé forms! Recently, with help from a 17-person, 6-vehicle crew, we moved into a brand new home that is now the meeting hall for the family gatherings.  Sharon and I will repay them many times over with dinners and picnics here over the coming years.  It is said you can pick your friends but not your family but I say to that, 'baloney!' We made our family our friends.

– Leo Swigonski, Erie, married to Sharon Swigonski for 25 years.

Bill and Pat Quirk
Submitted by: Tina Quirke

"Bill and Pat Quirk have basically adopted me – not only as their daughter-in-law, but truly as a part of their family.

When I met their son, Jim, in 1989, I knew that he was 'the one,' but never realized I was going to get a whole family as part of the deal. Bill and Pat have raised five great children. And, I consider myself lucky to live so close to them.  I can't imagine life without them!

They are generous to those around them and give a lot of time to our church and other organizations as well. They are incredible role models for us and especially for their nine grandchildren.

They try to make it to all of the children's events; they are  truly sincere and grateful for everything they have; and they never take anything for granted. I  hope that after 40 years, I am as much in love with my husband as they are in love with each other.

I will never be able to thank them enough for all they do. I always joke with my husband that if we ever got divorced, I want custody of his parents!!"

– Tina Quirk, married to Jim Quirk for 15 years. §