I do, take two
 

By Pam Parker
Contributing Writer

•  Chris and Cheryl Baldwin married 17 years ago in a simple church ceremony, and they truly are a "yours, mine and ours" family. Chris has a daughter, Cheryl has two daughters and together they have a son and daughter who were involved in the ceremony.
  
   Rick and Jennifer Blakely married in May of 2006. Rick has three children. This was Jennifer's first marriage. The entire family took a cruise and journeyed to Cinnamon Bay Beach for a private ceremony that they followed up with a local celebration with 125 friends and family.
  
  
•  My husband, Kim Parker and I married three years ago. He has three boys, and I have two sons and a daughter. We married at a gazebo at my sister's gorgeous home in Portersville, Pa., with friends and family. We had a jumping-over-the-broom ceremony as a follow-up to the serious stuff.
  
  
  
  Include the kids or not?
  
  We all agree that when you're planning a ceremony that blends families, the etiquette books will only tell you so much. Cheryl Baldwin, our 17-year veteran of blended families and a licensed clinical social worker, said the first thing to remember is that this is your day, and involving the kids is not mandatory.
  
  "This day is more sentimental for you than them," she said.
  
  She added that while most couples want to include the kids in some way, there might be times that one child doesn't want any part of it, and we should all respect that decision. "They don't have any choice about you getting married, so they may feel empowered by refusing to be involved, or they may be too shy to be a part of it. Just tell them it's okay, and if they change their minds, you'll make sure to include them," Baldwin said.
  
  
  
  Rick and Jennifer Blakely definitely held onto their sense of humor. They incorporated a tropical theme -- "with love in our hearts and sand between our toes" -- into their nuptials starting with the invitation and ending with tropical catering at their Erie celebration. The couple and Rick's three children took off for St. John's Island in the U.S. Virgin Islands where Anne Marie Porter, the nationally renowned barefoot minister, married them on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.
  
  "It all started when we teased that we wanted to run away to the Caribbean to get married," Jennifer said.
  
  The planning got more serious when they searched the Internet and found plenty of opportunities to do just that -- even incorporating a cruise into the ceremony. Rick says they chose to do things on their own rather than through a wedding planner with a cruise line, and everything went smoothly, but he could see the benefits of a wedding coordinator if time is tight.
  
  On the beach, in addition to the normal vows, Jennifer took a vow to love, cherish and respect Rick's children. With a backdrop of waves, the family made plenty of memories, and a videographer caught it all on tape.
  
  That tape was later played at the Valley of the Erie Scottish Rite, where 125 guests celebrated Rick and Jennifer's nuptials three weeks later. The family lit a unity candle, and they all wore their beach-wedding wear for a second time.
  
  The tropical theme carried through to a grand buffet designed to duplicate a cruise ship's elegant fare. "Make it Fabulous" catered the event, and the dessert table included Jennifer and her sister's homemade scrumptious desserts, while a chocolate fountain overflowed nearby.
  
  "We specifically chose not to do a lot of the traditional things like cut a cake," Jennifer said. "We just wanted it to be relaxing and fun."
  
  The Eckert and Parker children were all a part of our ceremony. We figured it would be the only opportunity for everyone to be dressed up at one time and we'd better take advantage of it. My daughter wore an elegant black and white gown and all the boys wore tuxedoes and top hats (they thought they were cool, so we bought them).
  
  My boys walked me down the aisle to a pretty gazebo where we took vows in front of about 60 guests. It wasn't quite what I had in mind. If I had it my way, the ceremony would have taken place in the backyard of our new home with just the eight of us.
  
  But, then, my brother, Walt Strosser, wanted to be there, and my sister and her family and a couple of our best friends insisted on coming.
  
  I didn't know what the main attraction was.
  
  "I want to hear you say the words," my brother said.
  
  That pushed me over the emotional edge, and wedding planning commenced. I was lucky because my sister, Patti George -- a supreme party planner - loves to do that kind of stuff. With her homemade grape leaves, 40 pounds of my brother's homemade German potato salad, cases of my brother-in-law John George's homemade wine, and some help from a caterer, it was a feast to remember.
  
  We also incorporated an ancient "jumping over the broom" ceremony (see sidebar) into the event. When we discussed getting married, my husband always referred to it as "jumping over the broom," so I found a wedding broom, and involved my brother and sister in the presentation. We cherish the laughs we had and the good luck it brings to happy couples.
  
  Blending families can rock the boat for everyone involved, so breaking the tension with a fun wedding tradition can deliver a few smiles and calm the waters.
  
  "Everybody needs to keep their sense of humor," Baldwin said.
  
  Keeping the fun in a second ceremony is the best advice Cheryl Baldwin can give. Her daughters and her husband's daughter bonded over the dresses and all the girly things that went into planning their church wedding 17 years ago.
  
  "It was easy with the girls," she said. "I'm not sure the dynamics would be the same if they were boys."
  
  The blended family also lit a unity candle together and each participated in the ceremony by doing a reading. Now, 17 years and two more kids later, she added that they set ground rules right from the start. "We all agreed we were one family," she said. "There were no step- or half-brothers or sisters; just brothers and sisters."
  
  
  
  What we wouldn't do again
  
  Nearly every planning guide on earth tells second-timers to give kids meaningful gifts, and include them in the ceremony. There are hundreds of ideas that include family medallions and symbols and yadda, yadda, yadda. We were all sucked in. Our daughter lost the heart-shaped ring we gave her within months, and I don't think any of our boys ever used the St. Christopher medal key chains we ordered, engraved and had blessed. The Baldwins and Blakelys agree their kids were unimpressed with their gifts, too, which takes us back to what a second wedding is all about.
  
  "This is your day," Cheryl Baldwin explained. "Don't get caught up in trying to do too much; it's all about the marriage, and the marriage comes first."