Bridal Shower Q & A
By Liz Banfield
www.theknot.com
Q: Who must I invite to my bridal shower -- every female invited to the wedding, or just the ones I know well?
A: Unless you're having an intimate wedding, you needn't invite every female wedding guest. Shower guests generally include the bride's closest female friends and relatives, and sometimes those of the groom -- especially if his mother is hosting or helping to plan the party. All shower guests should be invited to the wedding, but that doesn't mean everyone who's invited to the wedding has to attend the shower.
Q. Is it true that if the bride's relatives host her shower it seems like the relatives are soliciting gifts? Is this considered inappropriate?
A. Moms, sisters, or other relatives can throw bridal showers -- it's no longer a huge wedding faux pas, because now it's practical. More brides and grooms are living in cities other than the one where they grew up, and their attendants may be from college, where they live now, or elsewhere. What if the wedding is in the bride's hometown, but none of the maids live there? It's unrealistic to expect a maid of honor in Seattle to plan a shower in Chicago without help from the locals. Faraway bridesmaids and honor attendants definitely pitch in, but Mom is often party central these days, and no one's horrified.
Q. Does the groom attend the shower?
A. Grooms usually don't attend showers -- can you imagine going to the bachelor party? Many women love the "girls only" shower aspect (tea, lace, girl talk). If you want your sweetie there, try a couple shower -- a party for both of you with a coed guest list. These are becoming increasingly popular. If you want a traditional bridal shower but would like the groom to make an appearance, nothing says he can't. Just be sure he's comfortable with his cameo.
Q. I will be inviting several people from the East Coast to my wedding (on the West Coast). Should I send shower invitations even though I know they can't attend, or will this look like a ploy to get more gifts?
A. It's a nice gesture to send them shower invites even if you know they can't attend -- it shows them they're important to you and that you would have wanted them there. I can't imagine your closest friends and relatives would see an invitation as a gambit for presents.
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